I've had much to ponder on these last couple of months. I've had a trial that needs to be recorded for posterity. I learned long ago not to say "Why Me?" when trials occur. I ask the question, "What can I learn from this?" Our Heavenly Father gives us trials to refine and strengthen us. These are to help mold us into the person He knows we can become. I don't know about you, but I want to be the woman He knows I can be. Everything is in His hands, and that is where I put it.
Since I've been married, I've know people who have lost little ones. I've been close to some of these and though it was not my own child, I felt the lost greatly. I pleading with my Heavenly Father that this experience would not be in His plan for me. I suffer from depression and when things get too much emotionally, I shut down completely. It has gotten a bit better over the years, though. I was afraid that losing a child would send me into such a deep depression that I would not ever recover from it.
During my pregnancy with Jacob (#6 baby), I had the impression several times that Jacob would not be with us for very long. So far, he is a happy, healthy 19 month old who has tons of energy and loves to climb. I've know women who have had miscarriages. My Grandmother had two. My mom and sisters have never gone through this experience. Neither have I..........until now.
After Jacob was born, I knew our family was not complete. I get the "someone is missing" feeling. It was so prevalent and happening so frequently, that I finally ask Joe to go pray about it. He came back telling me that not only is our family not complete, but the next baby will be a girl and her name will be Connie. Joe had a sister who was stillborn named Connie, so you can imagine my concern having a daughter with the same name. I left the coming of Connie to Heavenly Father. Toward the end to September, Joe had the overwhelming impression that Connie was to come NOW. Joe normally doesn't get these strong impressions about our unborn children, so I didn't question it. A month later, in late October, I was pregnant with Connie. We were so excited! We were thinking of middle names right away. Around 5 weeks pregnant I felt my precious Connie. I know what you're thinking, "How can any woman feel there unborn child at five weeks?" I thought it was strange, too. But I've had six other children and know that the long blippy bubble I felt at about 5 weeks was not gas, it was Connie. At 5 1/2 weeks pregnant we had a middle name. So Connie is now Connie Corrine Watson. The next night I started bleeding. It was November 6, 2013.
I've never bled during a pregnancy before, but it is not unheard of. The next day I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I was devastated. I know that was Connie. I felt her. I got down on my knees and asked my Heavenly Father if all Connie needed was to be in that tiny fetus of a body for just 5 1/2 weeks, or if she would still come to us. After that prayer, I knew I needed to get to the temple. I went the next day. Later that day, I new I needed a priesthood blessing. Joe gave me one that night. My first spiritual experience came during that blessing. I was told that Heavenly Father would not give me the answer to my question at that time. I was to focus on my children. During the beginning of the blessing, Joe had paused for a time. Afterwards, he told me that my Grandpa introduced himself to Joe. He told Joe to tell me that he loves me and that he was here with me during this time of grief. I know we have guardian angels. Angels have been assigned to certain children in the past. It was a comfort and a very special experience to know that my Grandpa was there with me that night. The veil is thin. Very thin. I got comfort at the temple the next day. I realized that Heavenly Father prepared me for this with my impressions of Jacob short lived life. I was also shown mercy in losing a child at the beginning of the pregnancy and not toward the end, or after birth.
Life went on. I was able to share aspects of my experience with people. I hope they was touched and felt the spirit. A month after the miscarriage I took a pregnancy test. It was Joe's birthday December 11, and I am pregnant again! Happy Birthday Joe! This baby is NOT Connie. I have had no impression what so ever. No movement yet of any kind. I am now 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. With knowing that this is a different spirit, I now know that I will raise my sweet Connie in the Millennium. This doesn't end there, though. Last night I went to the temple. During the session, my mind turned to Connie and how I will raise her in the Millennium. This was a firm confirmation to what I already knew. I also had another strong feeling about family later that night. The Lord has blessed me and my family. My children don't know about Connie yet, but will be told. She will never be on the records of the church here on earth, but she is most certainly part of our eternal family. If this baby is a boy, people will think that our pattern is broken when it is not. Time will only tell. I am so blessed to have this knowledge of the Gospel and personal revelation. Years ago I sat in the temple while pregnant with child #3. I had always thought it would be neat to sit in the temple and just know how many children you were to have. 5 flashed in my mind. I thought, "Ok. Does that mean 5 children, or 5 MORE children. Well, I guess it was 5 more children since I'm pregnant with spirit #8.
My heart has been so full these past couple of months. The Lord loves me and knows what I need. He is a loving and generous God. He is merciful. I thank Him for this wonderful experience. I look forward to meeting my Connie Corrine and raising her in the millennium.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Blessings
Before I had children, I was given a blessing which told me I would have righteous children. This has been reaffirmed time and time again, through my children's blessings that Joe has given them. I have such a wonderful husband who is worthy of his priesthood. He is so in tune with the spirit when he gives blessings. I have had some amazing blessings over the years given to me through Joe by my Father in Heaven. Tonight's blessing were the most amazing and awe inspiring yet. My children's blessings have always been anything but "normal".
The blessings started with Carolyn. What I remember most about hers was being an example and a missionary. She can have the spirit with her always when she is baptized. She can still have the spirit with her always before she is baptized through her actions.
James was next. Lilly got up in the chair wanting to be next. She whined a bit when told she was after James, but calmed down for the blessing. James was told he would be a leader, not a follower. He will recognize when people want him to do evil and resist it. Not a blessing one would imagine a 5 year old getting.
Lilly was next. I think hers also talked about the Holy Ghost. It's hard to remember 7 blessings. Lilly's eludes my memory. I do remember feeling and thinking that if James' was not a normal blessing for a 5 year old, Lilly's is definitely not normal for a 2 year old.
Camilla's talked about her receiving all the blessings of our Heavenly Father if she will listen to those around her sent to help and teach her, and listen to the spirit. It talked about her being a mother.
Aaron was blessed to be able to understand the spirit and to KNOW what's right and wrong.
When it was Jacob's turn, Mia, James and Carolyn were asleep. The spirit was so strong, you could cut it with a knife. Aaron felt it, too. The impression Joe got was power in the priesthood. He will be able to protect himself and his family, through the power of the priesthood. In Joe's mind, he saw people scared of Jacob because of this power. The overwhelming feeling I had throughout the blessing was awe. He is one righteous spirit who his capable of doing amazing things throughout his life. If he is worthy, he will be able to tap into this priesthood power the likes that Joe has not experienced. My baby boy is only 6 months old and receiving this blessing. His body my be young, but his spirit is not.
In mine, I was told that I was given charge of these strong spirits to help mold them. I will be able to reach them, or get through to them, when no one else can. My trials that I've gone through, and will go through are to prepare me to help teach my children. I'm to teach them about my Savior. I'm humbled and honored that my Heavenly Father deems me worthy and capable to raise these strong, righteous spirits.
My Heavenly Father truly knows each of my children. The council given to each is evidence of that. Joe and I are worried about Mia's decisions. Father addresses this in the last 2 blessings she's received. James was blessed to be a leader. We are worried that James is a follower at school and not a leader. We want him to be a leader. Aaron is so sensitive to the spirit and wants to recognize it. Carolyn talks about being baptized all the time. She still has 10 months left, but she can still have the Holy Ghost with her. There are times I don't know what to do with certain children. Heavenly Father has told me that I can do it. I've been prepared and still being prepared to teach my children. I'll be able to reach them on a level where others can not. My children are truly a choice generation. Growing up, we were told we were a choice generation. My children are even more so and it is my charge to teach and raise them in the gospel. This evening was very humbling and has strengthened my testimony in the priesthood and my Heavenly Father. I have much respect and love for a husband who honors his priesthood and is in tune with the spirit. The things we've implemented in our day to day routine these last few months have been through inspiration that Lord has given Joe. Joe would not have gotten the inspiration if he was not listening. I'm amazed at the roles each of us play in our family. We would be incomplete with out even one of our children. Much joy is brought into our home through each of them. Their understanding of the gospel is awe inspiring. They understand so much more at an earlier age than I did. I know my Father in Heaven is helping Joe and me to teach them, and through the spirit, they have understanding and are gaining knowledge. I know that Heavenly Father will continue to help Joe and me on this journey. My life is blessed in countless ways. The Lord's hand is definitely in all aspects of my life and my family's lives.
The blessings started with Carolyn. What I remember most about hers was being an example and a missionary. She can have the spirit with her always when she is baptized. She can still have the spirit with her always before she is baptized through her actions.
James was next. Lilly got up in the chair wanting to be next. She whined a bit when told she was after James, but calmed down for the blessing. James was told he would be a leader, not a follower. He will recognize when people want him to do evil and resist it. Not a blessing one would imagine a 5 year old getting.
Lilly was next. I think hers also talked about the Holy Ghost. It's hard to remember 7 blessings. Lilly's eludes my memory. I do remember feeling and thinking that if James' was not a normal blessing for a 5 year old, Lilly's is definitely not normal for a 2 year old.
Camilla's talked about her receiving all the blessings of our Heavenly Father if she will listen to those around her sent to help and teach her, and listen to the spirit. It talked about her being a mother.
Aaron was blessed to be able to understand the spirit and to KNOW what's right and wrong.
When it was Jacob's turn, Mia, James and Carolyn were asleep. The spirit was so strong, you could cut it with a knife. Aaron felt it, too. The impression Joe got was power in the priesthood. He will be able to protect himself and his family, through the power of the priesthood. In Joe's mind, he saw people scared of Jacob because of this power. The overwhelming feeling I had throughout the blessing was awe. He is one righteous spirit who his capable of doing amazing things throughout his life. If he is worthy, he will be able to tap into this priesthood power the likes that Joe has not experienced. My baby boy is only 6 months old and receiving this blessing. His body my be young, but his spirit is not.
In mine, I was told that I was given charge of these strong spirits to help mold them. I will be able to reach them, or get through to them, when no one else can. My trials that I've gone through, and will go through are to prepare me to help teach my children. I'm to teach them about my Savior. I'm humbled and honored that my Heavenly Father deems me worthy and capable to raise these strong, righteous spirits.
My Heavenly Father truly knows each of my children. The council given to each is evidence of that. Joe and I are worried about Mia's decisions. Father addresses this in the last 2 blessings she's received. James was blessed to be a leader. We are worried that James is a follower at school and not a leader. We want him to be a leader. Aaron is so sensitive to the spirit and wants to recognize it. Carolyn talks about being baptized all the time. She still has 10 months left, but she can still have the Holy Ghost with her. There are times I don't know what to do with certain children. Heavenly Father has told me that I can do it. I've been prepared and still being prepared to teach my children. I'll be able to reach them on a level where others can not. My children are truly a choice generation. Growing up, we were told we were a choice generation. My children are even more so and it is my charge to teach and raise them in the gospel. This evening was very humbling and has strengthened my testimony in the priesthood and my Heavenly Father. I have much respect and love for a husband who honors his priesthood and is in tune with the spirit. The things we've implemented in our day to day routine these last few months have been through inspiration that Lord has given Joe. Joe would not have gotten the inspiration if he was not listening. I'm amazed at the roles each of us play in our family. We would be incomplete with out even one of our children. Much joy is brought into our home through each of them. Their understanding of the gospel is awe inspiring. They understand so much more at an earlier age than I did. I know my Father in Heaven is helping Joe and me to teach them, and through the spirit, they have understanding and are gaining knowledge. I know that Heavenly Father will continue to help Joe and me on this journey. My life is blessed in countless ways. The Lord's hand is definitely in all aspects of my life and my family's lives.
Friday, July 29, 2011
European Travels
So much has been seen since I last blogged. We went to Paris, Mainau, Prague, more castles, Salzburg, Garmisch, and Neuschwanstein. That was all in the last 2 weeks! I'm tired! In Paris I had my list of things I wanted to see. 1. Notre Dame 2. the Mona Lisa in the Louvre 3. the Eiffel Tower. anything else was Gravy. We also saw the Arch de Triumph while looking for the metro. We walked everywhere and saw everything on my list.
While searching for Notre Dame, we got our first view of the Eiffel Tower. It was a very impressive sight to see that massive metal structure looming above the city. I was expecting Notre Dame to have a large Dome. It had large bell tower like spires instead. Many people were in the courtyard area in front. There were benches, so we did the touristy thing and took pictures with Notre Dame looming in the background. To get inside, we had to wait in a very long windy line. That's why all the people were standing where they were. They were in line! I wish I would have realized that when were first got there. Then we would have taken our photos while stanging in line! Note to those who have yet to visit Notre Dame: lots of people here means a very long line and time to wait. Sooo... first find the back of the line, then take your pictures. You can also take them after you visit inside. Notre Dame is free, but it costs to see the treasury. I think you can also walk around the top from there. We did not do this, so I'm not all that sure. Photography is not alowed, but people were taking pictures anyways. There were candles to light for 2 euros. Good thing I'm not a Catholic who lights candles. They use 1 and 2 euros over here like we use quarters back home. They are about the same size as a quarter only more expensive. I was a good girl and did not take pictures (I left that up to Caiti if she so desired). I don't think I've ever been in a cathedral before. It was MASSIVE! Lots of vaulted ceilings, stain glass and paintings. Of course they had a gift shop in the cathedral. It's sad how it's been commercialized. How are you supposed to worship with thousands of people walking around and then buying things at a gift shop? I feel extra blessed to have our sacred temples. The people in our temples are there to work and learn from God. The spirit would not be there if our temples were paraded around like the cathedrals around the world. Besides the commercialism, Notre Dame was very impressive.
One down, two to go. We took a nice long walk back across the river to find the Louvre. Just so you know..... the Louvre is MASSIVE. You could spend the whole day there and still not see everything. We went to the wing which houses the Mona Lisa. This is the only thing I really wanted to see.
While searching for Notre Dame, we got our first view of the Eiffel Tower. It was a very impressive sight to see that massive metal structure looming above the city. I was expecting Notre Dame to have a large Dome. It had large bell tower like spires instead. Many people were in the courtyard area in front. There were benches, so we did the touristy thing and took pictures with Notre Dame looming in the background. To get inside, we had to wait in a very long windy line. That's why all the people were standing where they were. They were in line! I wish I would have realized that when were first got there. Then we would have taken our photos while stanging in line! Note to those who have yet to visit Notre Dame: lots of people here means a very long line and time to wait. Sooo... first find the back of the line, then take your pictures. You can also take them after you visit inside. Notre Dame is free, but it costs to see the treasury. I think you can also walk around the top from there. We did not do this, so I'm not all that sure. Photography is not alowed, but people were taking pictures anyways. There were candles to light for 2 euros. Good thing I'm not a Catholic who lights candles. They use 1 and 2 euros over here like we use quarters back home. They are about the same size as a quarter only more expensive. I was a good girl and did not take pictures (I left that up to Caiti if she so desired). I don't think I've ever been in a cathedral before. It was MASSIVE! Lots of vaulted ceilings, stain glass and paintings. Of course they had a gift shop in the cathedral. It's sad how it's been commercialized. How are you supposed to worship with thousands of people walking around and then buying things at a gift shop? I feel extra blessed to have our sacred temples. The people in our temples are there to work and learn from God. The spirit would not be there if our temples were paraded around like the cathedrals around the world. Besides the commercialism, Notre Dame was very impressive.
One down, two to go. We took a nice long walk back across the river to find the Louvre. Just so you know..... the Louvre is MASSIVE. You could spend the whole day there and still not see everything. We went to the wing which houses the Mona Lisa. This is the only thing I really wanted to see.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Maginot Line/ Le Fleckenstein
My sister Caitlin arrived in Germany this last Monday, July 11th. Tues we went swimming, Wed. we went to the movies. It was raining, so our castle trip was postponed. Today we went to France! we went to Ft Schoenenbourg on the Maginot Line. it is a bunker deep in the ground (135 steps to be exact) used by the French as a barrier to the German's during WWI-WWII. we walked 1 km down to one end of the bunker, then back again. we saw bombs, beds, war offices, an operating room, the kitchen, and lots of other COOL stuff. I took pictures.
We then went to Le Fleckenstein castle. It was Caiti's first castle! I believe I've wet her appetite for the beauty and wonder of castle ruins. This castle looked like it was actually carved out of the rock itself. The Willson family went with us to the castle. Ann Willson and I were standing on the ground at one end of the ruins and looked up. We both had the same reaction, "AAAhhh the castle is falling on me!" the way the clouds were moving gave the illusion that the castle was moving. I was surprised at how big this castle was. It was hard for me to tell untill we got close up. Interesting things we saw: a massive slug on the road. I had Caiti take a picture of it for me. Mia asked if she could pick it up and move it. Sure....why not? She then proceeded to pick it up and throw it to the side of the road! If the cars won't get it, my daughter will. There was a water wheel. It reminded me of the scene in Pirates where Jack, and Will are fighting for the chest on the water wheel while it is moving. There were helmets for the kids to try on, and a "secret passage way".
After a year of being around Germans it was weird hearing French.
This week has also been frustrating. we've been finalizing our "trips" with Caiti. We finally (with the help of Crystallynn. Thanks Girl!) able to get our plane tickets to Sardinia Italy. Everything was riding on that trip, so naturally the hotel rooms were more expensive last minute in Paris and at Garmisch. I will say this......each 2 night stays in Paris and Garmisch are more expensive that our 1 week stay at a rented house in Sardinia. Go figure! We love you Caiti!
Busy schedule the next 4 weeks. I hope I can keep up. right now I'm sooooo tired. good thing we have 2-3 days in between trips for recovery. Goodnight all! Seeing how it's wwwaayy past my bedtime, I'll leave you to it.
We then went to Le Fleckenstein castle. It was Caiti's first castle! I believe I've wet her appetite for the beauty and wonder of castle ruins. This castle looked like it was actually carved out of the rock itself. The Willson family went with us to the castle. Ann Willson and I were standing on the ground at one end of the ruins and looked up. We both had the same reaction, "AAAhhh the castle is falling on me!" the way the clouds were moving gave the illusion that the castle was moving. I was surprised at how big this castle was. It was hard for me to tell untill we got close up. Interesting things we saw: a massive slug on the road. I had Caiti take a picture of it for me. Mia asked if she could pick it up and move it. Sure....why not? She then proceeded to pick it up and throw it to the side of the road! If the cars won't get it, my daughter will. There was a water wheel. It reminded me of the scene in Pirates where Jack, and Will are fighting for the chest on the water wheel while it is moving. There were helmets for the kids to try on, and a "secret passage way".
After a year of being around Germans it was weird hearing French.
This week has also been frustrating. we've been finalizing our "trips" with Caiti. We finally (with the help of Crystallynn. Thanks Girl!) able to get our plane tickets to Sardinia Italy. Everything was riding on that trip, so naturally the hotel rooms were more expensive last minute in Paris and at Garmisch. I will say this......each 2 night stays in Paris and Garmisch are more expensive that our 1 week stay at a rented house in Sardinia. Go figure! We love you Caiti!
Busy schedule the next 4 weeks. I hope I can keep up. right now I'm sooooo tired. good thing we have 2-3 days in between trips for recovery. Goodnight all! Seeing how it's wwwaayy past my bedtime, I'll leave you to it.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
On hypothyroidsm and depression
There are a few medical conditions which I have. Hypothyroidsm, depression, and anemia. All of which make me tired. My medications have made me quite stable for 1 1/2 -2 yrs now. An then I had a baby 8 months ago. A few months after a baby is born, the mother's body tries to get back to some normalcy. In short, your hormones have gone out of wack once again. This has affected my thyroid, which is now out of wack. I've gone down on my medication dose, then, up, and now up again. I have to wait at least 6 wks before the next blood test can be done. In the mean time, I'm not sure how I'm functioning. The week I haven't been. I'm too exhausted to do anything. This in turn means the house looks terrible. I then get depressed because I should have done something in the house, but lacked the energy. This in turns leads to no appetite. I've lost 5 or 6 pounds over the last couple of weeks because of this. I'm caught in a vicious cycle I don't know how to break since I have no control over my thyroid besides taking my medication (which I am doing). On a bright note.....today I folded most of the laundry which has been sitting in the basement forever. Now....to put them away .......
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Germany
My Dad and others keep telling me I should write down my Germany experiences. Soo.....here I am starting a blog. Joe, I and our 4 (almost then 5) children moved here to Germany in July 2010. Much has happened during that time. We touched German soil on July 20, 2010. Found a house by the next Thursday. Oh, I barely passed my German driving test the monday after. If I had not, we would have been thoroughly screwed! By August 8th, Joe was on a plane bound for Djibouti Africa for a 2 month deployment. He wasn't even gone a week before I got into a wreck (we had our van for about a week and it was Friday the 13th of all things!)! I was 7 months pregnant when we got here. I had the wonderful privilege of living in an empty house, then with temporary furniture until my things were delivered late September. I moved in without my husband. A major first. In a foreign country no less! Oh....and during it all......we were dealing with lice. I was picking lice out of my girls hair right up until Lilly was born. TALK ABOUT FUN!!!!!
Lillian Eva Watson was born on 10/10/10. Not expecting a baby that day, but she came anyways. She came in true Watson Girl style with some lovely surprises. She has been my hardest baby and my most content (when she is being held or other wise engaged). It took 3 months for her to take a bottle with formula. She was not getting enough from nursing. At 6 months she was in the 0% for her weight. (this is considered "failing to thrive"). One month on formula brought her back up to the 12%. She went from gaining barely 3 pounds in 6 months to 2 lbs 8oz in one month. She is now sitting, crawling army/worm style, and going from crawling to sitting. She has the most infectious smile! Out of all 5 children, more people stop to look at and comment on her then the others. This is even more so with the old Germans.
To sum things up so far, I've been through a foreign move, a deployment, lice, lice, and more lice, baby #5, a 3 week TDY, 2 wrecks, baby not gaining weight, baby crawling, and dealing with my blasted hypothyroidism again. This is all along with all the activities and running around with the other 4 children.
Till next time space cadets!
Lillian Eva Watson was born on 10/10/10. Not expecting a baby that day, but she came anyways. She came in true Watson Girl style with some lovely surprises. She has been my hardest baby and my most content (when she is being held or other wise engaged). It took 3 months for her to take a bottle with formula. She was not getting enough from nursing. At 6 months she was in the 0% for her weight. (this is considered "failing to thrive"). One month on formula brought her back up to the 12%. She went from gaining barely 3 pounds in 6 months to 2 lbs 8oz in one month. She is now sitting, crawling army/worm style, and going from crawling to sitting. She has the most infectious smile! Out of all 5 children, more people stop to look at and comment on her then the others. This is even more so with the old Germans.
To sum things up so far, I've been through a foreign move, a deployment, lice, lice, and more lice, baby #5, a 3 week TDY, 2 wrecks, baby not gaining weight, baby crawling, and dealing with my blasted hypothyroidism again. This is all along with all the activities and running around with the other 4 children.
Till next time space cadets!
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